Dating can be both perplexing and hair-raising. But it can be wildly exciting, too.
I sometimes use word association techniques with clients to bring awareness to the role that perception plays in their dating life—it illuminates how vital it is to check in with yourself. Coral, forty-two, explained that dating had left her feeling abandoned.
She felt manipulated to please her male partners, and felt overly needy herself. The first word that came to mind for her when I asked her to think of the word man was power. When I asked her to think of the word, woman?
For Coral, this revealed how polarized she was going into dating and relationships. Another client, Jennifer, age forty-six, described the people she was dating as shallow—players who valued looks over connection.
In contrast to Coral, though, Jennifer herself also identified with the word power. The research, carried out by dating app Happn, also indicates that older singletons move faster - with younger daters typically taking up to three weeks to arrange a date online, while those in their 40s and older are happy to meet in person after just 14 days of chatting, reports Daily Mail.
And while older women are open to paying the bill at the end of a night, it seems they're less open minded when it comes to their potential love interest's clothing. Women over 40 were found to be more likely to judge their date based on their manners and how they are dressed, with 50 per cent of women polled who admitted to the same confessing to having made excuses to leave a date early as a result.
Happn's research also showed that men and women over 40 date less frequently than younger people, and when they do arrange to meet at match they like it to be on a Saturday - and preferably over dinner. Would you like to go on a date again with your first boyfriend? I didn't think so! Our preferences understandably change as we grow older, so avoid the mistake of looking out for a blueprint of your ex. Dating out of type and saying yes to people who you wouldn't traditionally have gone on a date with is a good way to re-examine whether your 'type' is as rigid as you thought.
When you crush with someone you like online, it can be really easy to develop an idea of them in your head before you have actually built a real life connection. Stay safe and meet in a public space, but prioritise doing this early on in the dating process. This helps you to see whether that connection works just as well offline as it does online. It is far too easy in a social media world to look up former partners on Facebook, and wonder what might have been. Again though, by checking up the younger generation would call this 'creeping' on your ex's profile it keeps you stuck in the past, and can prevent you from being open minded to new opportunities.
Offline dating is back, but that doesn't have to mean meeting in a bar.
If you long for an era before instant messaging don't forget that people still like to meet in real life. It can be about making simple swaps like taking your book to a coffee shop to read, or your laptop to a nice cafe to get out of the house and into contact with more people you could connect with.
Smile, make eye contact, and remember not to put your bag down on the seat next to you.
And, although you may feel like a teenager being back out on the dating scene, you're not. Personally, I discovered things about myself in my 40s that are really important to me that weren't before. Being healthy is an important part of my life now and I want a partner where that's important to them as well.
Discover who you are NOW. Be in touch with yourself, what you want and what's really important to you BEFORE you try to join your life with someone else.
It makes you a much more interesting prospect. There's nothing sexier than someone who knows who they are, is comfortable in their own skin, and has room in their life to share that with someone else.
Yes, it's different at But I would challenge you to look at it differently. You have the insight of plus years of getting to know yourself and the world you live in. You have an opportunity to consciously choose the type of person you want to be with, and how you want to spend the second — and BEST — part of your life! Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world.
Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch.
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